People constantly ask, usually with a bit of shock, how I could possibly do such a thing. A nice, trustworthy, honest guy, sneaking around, splitting my time between not one, but two women, and keeping it up for more than a year! My short answer is that I love each one for different reasons and I see a future with both – their interests and passions directly line up with mine. When I am spending time with each one, I feel empowered and confident enough to accomplish anything. I know that I will have to choose at some point. I’ll have to make up my mind and go full force with one while leaving the other behind. The conversation will be difficult; to discuss all we’ve been through and why I have to move forward with my other love… and if it’s even possible, to break up on good terms.
Now, before you come to any conclusions about me or my life decisions, hear me out. I never meant for this to happen. The first girl I met in college; a beautiful, sexy, brown-haired blue-eyed woman. She was risky and filled with this inner passion to change the world. Our dates were filled with this zest that was unexplainable; it felt as though we were in this elite class of people who truly found happiness beyond our years. As senior year was approaching, we had a conversation about what the future would hold. We decided was that we had no clue what life would throw our way, yet we would keep our relationship up for as long as we could while transitioning into the real world. During that first year out of school, I remember that money was tight, and we didn’t have a lot of support, and somehow we still made it work. Little did she know that I met my another love interest shortly after moving to Chicago. Girl number two and I met at a cocktail party one night. She was tall, with long blond hair, and light green eyes. The way she spoke was so eloquent and inviting, I was drawn in to learn more with every word. As I got to know her, I learned how she was mature, focused on her job and making a living. She was well thought out and analyzed, appearing to have a plan for everything. Even with all her good qualities, we still had our fair share of challenges. We didn’t see eye to eye on everything and often had arguments. As time would tell, girl number 1 started to feel neglected as my time-shifted to focus on my new girl while girl number 2 had reason to be suspicious as I was not always clear about my weekend plans…To the outside world, you could say it’s complicated…
In reality, these women are my startup and my job.
Let me explain. For the past 3 years, I have been working on a startup for seniors living with dementia. I came up with the idea after Apple released this neat technology back in 2012 called ibeacons. I knew there was a lot of potential for this technology. From a conversation with my dad who is a geriatrician, I quickly came to the conclusion that I could build a device that helps seniors living with dementia stay safe and live longer independently. And so it began. I took a risk of my time and money, with the potential being a way to significantly improve seniors lives and provide peace of mind for caregivers and families. And thus, my relationship with girl number 1 commenced.
After I finished school, I was out to follow the traditional path, get a graduate degree and start my career. Unlike many entrepreneurs, I saw a strong value in my education, so I focused less on my company and more on developing my knowledge base. I always pictured my life would be something alike to getting a degree, working at a big company for 3 or 4 years then going out and starting something of my own. My plan was to learn as much as I could from my job, from the company culture, the leadership team and my peers, then to find a problem that could bring significant value to people and start working on a solution.
In pursuit of my plan, I graduated with a master’s degree and started working for a top consulting firm in Chicago. I was stoked to be consulting; short projects, fast-paced work and a dynamic experience in many different industries at many different companies. Also, the perks and benefits weren’t bad either, with travel and a high salary to support me. Within the consulting job, I wanted to get the most out of the experience, thus I followed my passion and connected with the right individuals to work my way into “the lab.” In grad school, I studied information systems with a specialization in cybersecurity. I quickly fell in love with networking, protocols and the internet. The lab, as it was known, was the company’s elite cybersecurity penetration testing team. This was a small team made up of the smartest, most resourceful, hard-working people that I had ever worked with. To do this work, you had to be intensely curious, diligent, passionate, and have a “hacker” like attitude of never giving up. In joining this elite team, I was able to help companies stay safe from malicious hackers and fix holes in their network. Working on this team gave me a sense of doing important work as cybersecurity has become such a global challenge for governments, organizations, and people to manage. And thus this is girl number 2.
As my attention was pulled, I was in love with both jobs for different reasons. On one hand, I had an opportunity to change the world of dementia care with a simple idea from my head, yet took on a lot of risks. On the other hand, I had a more traditional role with less risk and an opportunity to help companies stay safe at a critical time in the world. With only 24 hours in the day, I was spending too much of my time, attention, and energy trying to balance both.
Just like having two girlfriends, you can’t keep it up forever. At some point, I knew the time would come when I would have to make a decision. In the long run, I knew this decision wouldn’t decide my fate but would have to be well thought out for my wellbeing and future.
In hopes of figuring out the right one to keep, I talked to my friends, family, and browsed the internet. Everyone voted for girl 1 until I told them about girl 2, then they think about it and weigh the pros and cons. But no one was able to give me a firm decision for the answer I was looking for.
One of the most meaningful pieces of advice that I received has been to think about both opportunities as lines. Picture in your head the two lines – how do the look? Do they intersect? Are they parallel? Do they merge? When? How? I have thought about this line analogy for a while now and initially, I thought they were crossing over each other, back and forth, but with some time, I changed my perspective to see that they are both parallel. They are both moving forward together teaching me more about the world and providing me with the opportunity to grow as an individual and professional. Both have the potential to change the world and make it a better place, and ultimately that’s my career goal.
When it comes down to it, I think the lines will eventually merge at a point in the near future. And at that point I will have the difficult conversation with girl 2, whose focused on making a living and has it all planned out. I will sit her down, tell her we need a break so that I can figure myself out. I will say that this may not be forever, but I have to take this risk to see if I can do it on my own. The potential upside of girl number 1 is too strong and my gut is leading this decision.