Without trust, all is lost

“Why didn’t you come to us? Why didn’t you tell us this two months ago? We could have helped.” Ron (one of my investors) said.

Last week, Sam (one of my advisors) and I discussed our strategic partner and the relationship’s challenges. Sam then shared a Sam-ism (a piece of wisdom Sam sometimes shares to explain something he has learned in his 40+ year career). He said, “In any new relationship, I readily expend trust. If you break my trust, I am more cautious and go to the thinking trust but verify. And, if you break it again, the relationship is over. Then I do not trust you any further until you acknowledge your failure and apologize. Rebuilding is then possible, but it is a long road.” 

Ron and his organization have broken my trust more times than I could count in the past two years. They would promise to do or act on certain things, but then nothing would happen. When asked, it was like they forgot and just swept it under the rug, pretending like it never happened. And then, every quarter, they would ask for feedback through a survey. I was always honest in my responses, but it consistently came back to bite me. Ron and the organization’s members would either ignore the feedback or defend themselves instead of growing from it. This cycle caused me to lose trust in them repeatedly, with no acceptance on their part.

It made me feel bad like I was a terrible person. That this investor, this organization that supposedly believes in my company and me, disregards my feedback and defends themselves. I was frustrated, angry, and emotional from all of this. What was I to do? They were my investor, after all – they had a strong say in my company. How could I keep moving forward when I felt so conflicted?

…

I paused for a minute, considering how to answer Ron’s question. I could tell he wanted me to say that I was sorry and I should have come to him sooner, but the truth was, I wasn’t.

“I don’t trust you,” I said honestly. “I don’t trust your organization.”

Ron didn’t seem phased by my response. He kept talking like nothing had happened like he always does. But this time, I felt empowered by speaking the truth. No longer did I feel the anger and shame of this feeling. Instead, I felt the power of saying the truth face to face (well, zoom face to zoom face).

Ron explained how his organization had helped many other startups with this and that. He skipped right over what I said about trust and went straight into defensive mode. There was no acknowledgment, no ownership, no empathy, just attack. Pushing all the blame back to me; it was my fault.

Immediately as the call ended, I felt those strong emotions come on again. I was frustrated and angry from all of this. I took a deep breath and then another.

…

Without trust, all is loss. A relationship that is intended to support, grow, and develop falls apart under these conditions — especially one between an entrepreneur and investor. There is no room for growth and collaboration, only blame, defensive mechanisms, and a failed relationship.

This is not how trust is built. There is no self-awareness, vulnerability, or alignment in mutual respect – the foundations of a trusting relationship are entirely absent here.

As I continue to grow my company and attract new investors, I now realize that I need to seek relationships with those with a growth mindset. Investors who understood that they are not always right and who believe in mutual respect. This is another learning opportunity for me and a way for me to get better.